The Playdate Diaries

Trying to stay sane in my 2-kid world…

Playdate #7:The Character Meet-n-Greet October 20, 2007

Filed under: today's playdate — L.Gonzalez @ 4:32 pm
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Today we had a mall event where the children got to meet-n-greet with Curious George. The kids all had to be part of the ‘Kidgits Club’ in order to participate. The information sheet states ’20 minutes per child for photos’ blah blah blah… something along those lines. So why is it that when you actually arrive it’s a whole ‘nother story?

I pull into the mall – park the car… the world is peachy keen. Victor gets loaded up into his car seat, I take out a billion items from his diaper bag and place them in the stroller’s basket for easier access, and into the mall we go.

As soon as I walk in, I get a call from one of the other playdate mommies. Seems like there’s a new member there and it’s her first playdate. Since my friend on the phone is running late she asks me to give her a quick call to let her know she’s not alone – basically, that the group hasn’t ditched her. I’m thinking, AWESOME! Another mom. So I give her a call and we meetup by the Kidgits club registration desk. She’s laid-back and all smiles – phew!

More and more playgroup mommies start showing up with their kids and you know, the world is still peachy keen. I swear I checked my son’s stroller a BILLION times to make sure I had taken him out of the car. He was too quiet! Unusually quiet… creepy quiet. Evil plan-plotting quiet…

After having to run to Starbucks, debate with the cashier why I think she should break my $20 without me having to make a purchase, and then turning my back to her coldly and saying “Whatever – I’m not buying anything. This is ridiculous”, I finally find someone who can break my $20 so I can pay the freaking $5 yearly club membership fee. Thank you whoever broke my $20 – I owe you one!

Still chatting away, I unsuspectingly move my conversation to the wait-line. Of course, that was cue for Curious George to need a break. He’d been there for 30 minutes and already needed a 20 minute break. Where’s the elevator music while we stand here like idiots? 

 20 minutes later, our star reappears. I’m chatting away, forgetting my own child is with me because he’s still unusually tranquil. It was hilarious when one of the playdate mommies asked me if I wanted her to turn my child’s stroller so he could be in the picture I was about to take. Oh, what, you mean my child is here? Oh silly me… and I thought I had left him in the car.

I’m outside the play area like the paparazzi, trying to get Curious George to look at me so I can take the ‘perfect’ shot. Of course, as soon as I’m about to take the photo, he always turns the other way. I have a great shot of his left butt cheek, right butt cheek, back, arm… let’s get together sometime and I’ll show you.

Finally it’s our turn. I didn’t want to be in the shot but I had no other choice. Putting Victor down would of been like tempting fate. He would of gone from 0-60 in a few seconds and been all over the play area. That was a tantrum I wanted to avoid thank-you-very-much.

Ok Victor, say bye to George… “Bye bye bye”…

30 seconds later a wild fight broke out. I was in awe, I could harldy believe it was happening. What in the world… why do they allow such things to happen in a mall. I mean, what kind of a world are we living in when a mother can’t even take her child to get a cute little photo with a fake monkey? There was screaming, kicking, a shoe went flying… it’s just a shame that all of it happened to be between my son and myself. Yep, that’s right. It was my ‘angel’ of a child throwing the world’s biggest, most embarassing tantrum.

I’m sure the other mommies loved having their husband’s there. They all got a 2-for-1 special meet-n-greet… one with Curious George and the second with my big breasts almost popping out of my shirt. Hey, if George got $1 per each photo with him, how much do you think I can get for a photo of your husband next to my huge, shirt-popping boobs? I mean, I think $5 minimum per husband is cheap, don’t you? I’ll even pay for your marriage counseling session afterwards. What a steal!

Needless to say, before killing my child in front of the public view, I quickly escorted (aka. clubbed and dragged) him away from the play area into the nearest store. Thank God for the cover of clothes racks.

I’m carrying my 38lb toddler in one arm, pushing a stroller with the other arm, and of course, as soon as we actually reach an area of the store where there are other people present, my son decides it will be fun to test my patience by slapping me in the face. How far do you think a 38lb toddler can go flying? Hm… Of course, before I even say anything to him, the mall-starers are already looking at me like I’m the world’s worst mother. How dare I let my child cry like that… tsk tsk.

I reach the restroom and I’m relieved. Phew. No witnesses. Let me just say that I’ve never seen a restroom clear out that fast. I swear those women piled out of there faster than if “Smelly Betty” had the runs and the toilet had clogged up and started overflowing with crap. No pun intended.

I left the mall as quickly as humanly possible, loaded up Victor and all his stuff, and sped away like I’d stolen something. Wait, did I load Victor?

The boy did not make even ONE sound all the way home. Not one. No crying, no sudden movements, nothing. How lovely. My little demon all of a sudden becomes Mr. Doesn’t-Hurt-a-Fly-Perfect-Little-Angel.

I feel like I’m Lois Griffin, mother to Stewie from ‘Family Guy’. Damn you, vile woman, you’ve impeded my work since the day I escaped your wretched womb!

george.jpg  stewiegriffin-familyguy.jpg  curiousgeorgepolaroid.jpg


Playdate #5: The Birthday Party September 29, 2007

Why is it that as soon as you’re having fun, your kids start to go NUTS and do stuff they’ve never done before in their entire little lives? I’m talkin’ tantrums, hissy fits, crying, shouting, screaming, kicking, biting – whatever their favorite is at the moment and gets your (and everyone else’s) un-divided attention.

We were invited to a birthday party from one of the playdate mommies. Promises of hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, drinks, cake, live music, toys / friends to play with, and plenty of adult interaction were made. Plus a “surprise”. I’m thinking, what a sweet deal! We can’t possibly miss this!

So we get there at the listed start time of 10:30am (me on my quest to not be late ever again) only to find out they had pushed it back an hour. My tremendous luck begins. Dim the lights, grab the popcorn, and cue the curtains please, the shows about to begin…

So anyway, I’m hanging out, mingling with the teens who are there decorating and what-not, and Victor will just not stop trying to climb on me or hide behind my leg. He’s like, instantly scared of everything and everybody. Now mind you, these were actually nice people! Nothing at all like those scary few you find every now and then. You know, those down-right creepy folk who look like they’ve either just escaped from a mental hospital or need to be put into one. And why do they always have that damn crazy laugh down?! So, back to my point… what amazes me the most is that my son will warm up to the creepy person faster than he will with the nice person. My son shares pleasantries with the loonies? WTF?! Meanwhile, since these are actually nice, decent people, I’m basically screwed. *Victor, enter stage-right! Cue the tantrum please!*

So I manage to stay there until about 11:30am (the newly scheduled start time), when everyone actually starts to arrive. I’m having “fun”, trying to mingle and talking to the other playgroup mommies (who arrived at the right time – go figure!), and Victor keeps whining and complaining. By 11:40am, he’s ultra-fussy and trying to get me to pick him up. Seriously, if I had wanted to wear him for the party, I would have at least thrown on a matching shirt to his or something… 

Well, I decide to cut our party-venture short after the crying and shouting starts, and I say goodbye to everyone. I swear the kid started to laugh it all up as soon as I closed their front door behind us. I look at his face and see the biggest smile in the world – giggles included.

Fast forward about 10 minutes. Where am I? At the Mickey D’s drive-thru. I’m suddenly hearing cascades of laughter, cheering, and kisses being thrown from the back seat. Was this part of his evil plot to leave the party? Did he see the Mickey D’s on our way there? And why is there always a Mickey D’s around every street corner – no matter where you are in the world? When I think about the fact that I had woken up at 6am this morning and skipped on breakfast because we were going to be FED at this party – delicious food good enough to skip breakfast for – I want to throw a fit myself! Who can I climb onto? (…don’t answer that…)

Now… MY theory is that my son was persuaded by my husband to act up only during the time we were at the party. Not a minute before or a minute after. Hm. Is that why my husband offered to stay home with the baby? Did he know it was all going down like that and want to save face from any possible embarassment of his own? What an evil, evil man…

But not to worry! We’re even now. I went to walmart and spent an average $70 above the “budget” he was so kind to give me for today. Ha! ME with a budget limit? I beg to differ… *smirk – wink*

bdaycake.jpg  vplayroom.jpg  victori.jpg  mickeyds.jpg  linnettesbreakfast.jpg