The Playdate Diaries

Trying to stay sane in my 2-kid world…

If you’re one of the childless few… October 16, 2007

Filed under: ranting lunatic — L.Gonzalez @ 10:16 am
Tags: , , , ,

…you may have noticed that every single mom has a secret code language – a creative form of communication specifically tailored to their individual child(ren). Even within the same parental structure, the secret language is special, unique, and varied amongst siblings. Don’t believe me?

Let’s look at the word “baba” for example. Some parent-child structures would use this term to mean “milk” or “bottle”. But, you will find that “baba” can also mean “pacifier”, “baby”, a sound a sheep makes, or whatever else the child might want to dub the term of “baba”.

Why the quick lesson? Well, because it leads me to my main point of today’s post…

I have NO clue what the hell most kids are talking about half the time. I would love to know what they’re talking about, might even understand half of what they’re saying, but that’s only because I’m a mother now. Let me tell you that when I was single and presented with a human of the little kind, I had absolutely NO clue what to do with “it”. I understand various words in the german and french language. I can decipher anything italian if it’s said slowly enough… hell, I can even understand my dog barking better than a child with the “secret language”.

So anyway, since you were all single at one point or another in your life, maybe you understand this whole phenomena as much as I do. I mean, what the hell is little Billy Bob talking about “I want dinty!”. Or Mary Sue asking for her “weeble-wop”. WHAT?! This is why the ‘mother’ is the world’s best known spectacle. Isn’t that why everyone seems to stare at us like we beat our children whenever they open their mouths to scream or throw a tantrum? It’s the same when our child speaks.

The truth of the matter is that most childless people have NO clue what your child is talking about – or why they are talking to them for that matter. It’s always so amazing to see a mom say… “Oh, you want your diaper changed, a bottle, and a nap?” after their child comments it’s time for “dinty”.

So anyway single people… contrary to popular belief, I wasn’t always this care-free and nonchalant about having children. I mean, I’ve always wanted children – ever since I was a little girl playing with dolls I knew one day I’d have my own sweet, wonderful, perfect little angels. That didn’t mean I knew what to do with a little human in front of me screaming bloody murder for “dinty”. I’d get all panicked and start naming the only 3 things I knew a child could possibly want out of life… “You want food? You hungry? Diaper? Are you dirty? Where’s your mom?”

I was the single person who never knew what to say to your child. I quite literally felt the same as if I had been standing at a middle school dance with the guys all standing on one side and the girls across the room. You shuffle your feet… look blankly across the room… wonder when and if someone’s going to come claim you (or in this case, the child in front of you)… you’re nervous… you don’t know what to say… you’re basically a big pile of mush just waiting to be herded off to another corner of the room.

So yes, I emphatize with you childless few who have to listen to my toddler screaming bloody murder for his “yoyo” and you have no clue that he’s not actually talking about a toy. All I can say is that one day you’ll just know. For now, you have to put up with these secret languages only a mother can understand.

By the way, I was also known as “Mrs. Get your Child away from me”, “Mrs. What in the world is he talking about?”, “Mrs. Talk to all kids 5 and under like if they were idiots because there’s NO possible way a little person like that can really comprehend what I’m saying”, and most important of all… “Mrs. If you’ve got kids there’s NO chance I’m dating you”. *sigh* Oh, how ignorant I was…

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